Sunday, August 20, 2017

Still Breathing

Still Breathing 3-16-16 38:42


So that was good, interesting. It's a metaphor, huh? A metaphor for what? lol. I don't know, what a mystery. I still love the dance, but I don't care. She was cute though when she said that, wasn't she? was like, you're so cute lol. It cracked me up. She saw me chuckling, I'm not laughing at her. It was justso adorable how she said it, I'm like, thank you for answering me, but what is it a metaphor for?  Whatever, it's ok, I don't need to know. Let's jus dance, I'll put my own meaning to it. I could be so  wrong lol.

It was a good class though, wasn't it? She was getting a little miffed with a few people. I feel ya, hon. I teach too lol. It's not easy, it's not. What do you do when you have people who have disabilities and and certain disabilities are easy to deal with, but anything like a learning deficit or anything like that what do you do, how do you teach somebody like that? You need a lot of patience, more than sometimes wehave to give. That's when I pray, God please help me today I don't have patience for my students. And he always comes in like a flood and gives me whatever I need. So that's amazing. We love that.

She just needs to calm down a little bit with them. Little bit. Don't you think? yeah... but I feel for her because like I said, I know. Who I'm concerned about is that one student right behind me because what ends up happening is that I'm watching him to the best of my ability to make sure he does not run into me, because I can't see well. And that's what I'm really concerned about. You know what I'm saying? Because he's like right on top of me and sometimes I just stopped becuase I'm like he's gonna collide with me, I can just feel I feel people around me ya know? I don't have eyes in the back of my head but even if I did they'd be legally blind too. I'm like what the heck?

Anyway, not much to be done about it. You have to have him in class, you have to fascilitate the needs. It's not his fault; he was born that way. Any of us could've been born that way. Wouldn't we want to be treated with respect and help and care? He can't help his outbursts, he can't. He gets excited, what can you' do? I try to remember: It's ok Noelle he doesn't understand. I smile, I think I handle him pretty well. Right?

I don't think she's good at doing that yet? After all these years she should be. You know? It's not a formal dance academy where you'd have to do something different, but it's a public school, you have to accommodate, it is the law. You have to treat them very well. I know, not only because I have a disability with my legal blindness but I teach people like that you have to be careful. She's still doing better I think. From what I could tell she was really upset today. I didn't do anything, I know that. But it makes my heart hurt for her cause I'm like what happened. It makes me think, what are they doing to her?

So beautiful bfly, I haven't said a darn thing. I'm done with those people they're crazy, I don't know how you dealt with them for all those years. They are looney tunes. And vicious, they are so vicious. I don't know how you put up with them and I wouldn't have. That's the thing and you know that. Remember when I told one of them off? Remember that? Ok this game again? I don't think so. We're done. Game over. I don't care if you think you won, I don't care if you think I won...It's not about that. Go ahead, go off into your little corner go do what you do over there away from me.
And you have to do that with those people. You have to just say: "To hell you are." I'm not afraid of those people, I never was. Nasty though oh my gosh, nasty little liars. Like I said, I don't know how she deals with it all this time. So whenever she's a little upset like that, my heart hurts and I'm thinking what'd they do to you today? That's really what comes to my mind: what did they do? I gave that all to God, I'm like have fun.

Plus he told me, he's like, "Well done good and faithful servant." That's what you want to hear from god and I'm like ok. What do I do next? He surprised the heck out me with what he wanted me to do next, I'm like yeah sure. Like I'm gonna disagree with god. Disagree with god is very dangerous. I did that once and I'd never do it again. Because he has the world in his hand and whatever he wants to have happen, and I'm like, yeah, I'd rather go head to head with people than with god. "They're going darker and deeper and becoming more insidious that is not a place for you my daughter." Basically what he said to me. I'm summing it up. And I'm like ok, not a problem, I hear ya. God have fun with that one. lol. I'll keep praying, right?

No way I'm gonna touch that. When he says they're getting darker, deeper, and more insidious, that sounds like god work that's not for me. Pretty sure it's not...whatever is dark and deep he always uncovers, always. Just look at the scandals in history, look at everything in life, eventually, things gets found out. And then sometimes things get found out and they're a hot mess mistake and theny ou repair them and then no big deal, but then there's just scandalous things that are just wicked and evil. I always use ENRON as an example because that gets my goat what happened. Must have been really bad because one of those people, the guilty party one of -- they committed suicide so, I think that was before all the trials and stuff.

If I'm not mistaken, if I'm not mistaken, I could be, but that's how bad it was. The guilt. See there's a guilt that leads to repentence and a guilt that leads to death. And that example led to guilt that leads to death. And the guilt that leads to repentence and I know it sounds like a big word and it's scary religious word, no what it means is to have a change of heart to go the opposite direction. A 180, to turn around. And it doesn't have to be a big scandalous thing to turn your heart around, it can be you know, anything in life. It can be: I can have a change of heart about how I diet and exercize, not necessarily "repentence" in that form but just to have a heart change or a mind charge.
You also have to look at the word "repentence" that in essence it used in the religious sense to have your spirit change to no longer go the wrong way to go the way of what is right and righteous. So pryaing for all of them, my husband is always like: "We gotta pray more for them." I'm like: "...more?" I keep track of how many prayers we've said. I don't know why I'm doing that, I just think it's kinda an interesting little statistic. We're in the thousands, oh my...we're way in the thousands. It's needed though, it really is.

Where there's darkness and corruption. But this whole neighborhood, it's like that one institution is like an anchor a deep magnet for that type and I'm like "it's pretty scary...really really scary."
Oh gosh that song she played today...I forget who sings it now. The one who drank herself to death and killed herself. Amy W.? Oh yeah...She's beautiful, I thought she was beautiful. I really am not into all that stuff. I learned more about her since last year, yeah...very talented. I was just so impressed with her work. I know most of the words to all of her songs now and she was definitely troubled. Very troubled young lady and I'm like aw man, somebody, there needed to be more people to reach out. You get in between, when somebody has an addiction like that you need to get in between that addiction and that person and do whatever it takes, because they will end up dead. Ya know? Whether it's drugs or alcohol or people can be addicted to like stealing ya know? They shoplift and they get a bigger item next time and bigger and bigger and before you  know it they can be shot and killed that way or they end up in jail rotting. Get in between that person and that addiction no matter what. Really, their lives depend on you or somebody to do it. You might not be  person but you might have to do an intervention. And then get a group of people. But yeah, that girl needed help. I think a lot of our modern day/current artists of any discipline/art discipline need help. I think  everybody is pretty screwed up. Most -- I'll say most. Not all. But yeah, I think most are really screwed up. And what was that you said about them expressing? Some people should not be expressing. They don't express responsibly.

Right. I get ya on that. Yeah expression has to come with responsibility. That's hard too because we live in such a strange world now-a-days. Really. Oh, I get heavily judged by Christians all the time. I'm like: "Really?? You're not even out there trying to save souls for Christ. You just wanna live a little princess, Dis. Princess life. Thas is not what god called us to do. God called us to get these hands dirty. And sometimes it's unpleasant. If you're not suffering as Christ suffered, it makes me question you." Just saying.  Ya know? If you're acting all perfect wihtout flaw, without feeling something, without being honest or something, then I question you. I just think, ya know, and I do have some Christian friends here and I'm not trying to offend you. I've got great followers - you guys are strong. I love you guys, I'm preaching to the choir.

Saying that a lot of Christians do judge me. What exactly am I doing wrong? I have more fruit than any of you guys but I should because I'm older but you gotta look at the fruit. That's what matters.
So guys, yeah I guess the message for today is enjoy your life...I am. I have a killer life right now. I am enjoying every moment but of course right now I'm in deep pain because I decided to take 2 intence advance  modern classes Monday night and my leg muscles are like rocks. I can't really bend them and I'm standing right, and we did those deep plies in class this morning and I'm like oh no please I'm gonna fall down. And my legs are like this. lol and then we did the lunge thing this is the worst thing for me right now but I didn't fall down. But I had to take it easy and stop a little bit. And then I had to make sure that one kid behind me wasn't gonna run into to me so I had to stop I mean yeah. She was distracted I think. I said, I didn't do nothing to her. She was being sweet I thought, she was being kind to me.  Yeah...I just have one question: YOu know the thing is, the more I'm in her class specifically, I'm getting more detail oriented like she is.

So I'm like, she would want me to pay more attention to details, right? So do you want us to go through passe or do you want us to swing it around so I'm trying to really focus and really get details. But I thought she was kinda nice, huh? It was kinda sweet. I know it wasn't me distracting her or anything at all today. I have nothing to say. But yeah we can tell you can tell. I'm sorry bfly, it'll be a better class next Monday. I don't know, kids are just a little rambunctious. I think. I hope that's all it was. Sometimes I really do think though that that room has a lot of bad energy in it and I wanna get annointing oil or something and annoint the place lol. You know what I mean? But you know, something needs to be done, sometimes we just pray.

Thank you for putting your necklace around my neck. Oh yeah.... When it gets really that bad, I really sense that heaviness, I really feel like I need protection and I need to make a stand so he'll put his cross on my neck, he wears a necklace with a cross it's a very strong symbol and people won't mess with me. Really it's almost like vampires and you hold the cross to them. It's a very powerful powerful symbol. Nothing to  be offended at. I wear ahkns, I wear all sorts of different things, they're beautiful. That's all they're  meant to be is beautiful. When I wear it, it means more than a symbol of execution that's hanging around my neck.

That's from my screenplay that my husband and I optioned actually. That whole thing so Christians and Christian writers don't even think about taking that you know? I've had to deal with some thieves like seriously with my writing like a lot of thieves lately. Like no no that was optioned, that was copyright, over and over, we have to renew the copyright every what is it every ten years? 12 years, 20 years, I don't remember. We have our people handling that but yeah it's from Transgression it's a short term for the whole title it's a really great script but yeah that's where I got that from. It's more than a symbol of execution.  It's a symbol of love. Would you die for somebody? I know I don't think I could all the time. Maybe one person.

I'd have to be really listening to god and be very selfless, and sometimes I'm at that place and other times I struggle but in the man, in the carnal man I know that I couldn't have done what he did. So instead of people saying they're offended that's a lie from the enemy trying to say this should offend you. It is a symbol of something beautiful - somebody died for you. And if you don't want to believe that they died for you, whatever. It's fine. He died for other people then, but he did. He actually died for everybody. Ya know? And we have the option and choice to choose that. But there's nothig repulsive about it. Ya know I've asked some people about it. Have you ever asked anybody who's offended by the cross? And say, well what exactly offends you about it? And these are some interesting answers that I got: because I remember I was on the other side of the fence too. And I didn't find it offensive but I found it like .....

that kind of offense. That's a strong word and it's not quite right but it would put me aback. And I was like it repels me and it draws me at the same time. What is that about that? And you know when I didn't have god in my heart that's what I went through it's that push-pull thing. But you know so I remember ... like you grew up with Christ in the household and a lot of Christians that do some of them are really spoiled and they don't get it. So I think it's a benefit of not have Christ in your upbringing because you can "get it" more But still I wanted to ask people and I did. Well what do you find so offensive? Do you even understand what this means? And what it symbolizes? And I got a myriad of answers too. "I don't like the Catholic chruch." "I don't like the fact that little boys are being molested in the Catholic church." Ok, hey...I'm with you on that.

I think it's all legalism, but everyone's always thinking Catholicism/Christianity. Yeah, Catholics can be Christians but the essence of Christianity Jesus didn't say "Oh let's start the Catholic church." That's something that man developed ok. Christianity was supposed to be what the Apostles originally started. And it was all about pure love. You know? It was Apostolic, the whole thing. The turn of one of the centuries, my husband would know this because he was a biblical scholar actually he almost had his degree at where did he go? Bethany, St Cruise? I forget but one of those. What was the name of it I can't remember.

Anyway, so he was a scholar of the bible so he knows all the dates and everything. You know how I struggle?  I gave you guys the wrong that one time, I was like: "That's wrong!" lol The verse number is not what's important the thing is to know the scripture and live it. If you have it in your head, good for you and you can recite it. That shows you have it in your head. Living it, shows that you have it in your heart. And that's what god and Jesus wanted. That's what Jesus came to do "You guys are hypocrits because you're just reciting these words and you're not living it. He came for other reasons too but that was one of them. So when I was asking people why does this cross offend you for? Those are some of the answers. SOme didn't have any answers. Some said, "Well I'm just offended." I'm like now seriously, let's think about this because I wanna know. I very curious I wanna get to know you better. And mabye we can help each other out here you'll understand me and I'll understand you better.

Sometimes when I can actually talk people through it, they realize oh wait a minute, I'm being offended by nothing. Because if I actually knew what the cross meant, instead of regurgitating memes that you see on fb or regurgitating things that you heard, let's actually break it down. Ya know? What is it that offends you? Ok, so yo usee this shape? Really, in essence it's a shape get over it, right? Not a big deal but for some reason up a lot of angst in some people. So let's calm down, let's look at it. Is this shape doing anything to you physically? The answer has to be no. Unless it comes at you and attacks you. Or if somebody usese it as a weapon against you. then let's look at the next step of that. Ok so is it the meaning that offends you?

Some people say yes. THen you say, ok let's look at that meaning. What is it about that meaning that offends you? And they usually don't have an answer and they'll just put together a whole bunch of words and it sounds like they know a little bit of scripture because they've heard it from somebody some place before but they have no idea what they're talking about. So when I see a mess like that, I say, let's take a breather here. Let's really look at this. WEll the symbol and the meaning of it means that Christ died for you so you don't have to die. Because you ... we're eternal beings...we're mortal here on this earth but we continue. There's two places that I know of. And you know, god was the redemption for that through his son. The trinity. God in 3 persons. God Jesus Holy Spirit. How do we fathom that? Like I said my husband had that silly putty idea and I gotta get me some of that because I have a feeling I'm gonna be talking about this a lot more.

But that's what it is. God together in a whole and it spokes out. YOu know you have this as Jesus and you have this as the Holy Spirit but they're still connected very much so. They never parted. So God actually sent a portion of himself in the form of a man Jesus. So then I'm like ok what is it that offends you about somebody dying for you because that's what it means. It means somebody loved you enough to take your place. To die for you so you don't have to die; that sounds good to me. That's really wow. You love me that much? That can be a little unnerving for some people though I get that because I was at that place. I'm like why would anybody love me that much that they would want to die? You don't have to do that, I'm cool you know?

Some people don't know. Some people just regurgitate things that they've heard and they've never had anybody actually care and love them enough to walk them through the steps and say this. This is what I do. No condemnation. We're all in the same boat. A lot of Christians, not my followers, you guys are wonderful  but a lot of Christians get high and mighty and they think they're too good for everybody else.  Oh i'm not gonna go mingle with them because they're "sinners'. I'm like you are disgusting saying that.  That pisses me off. I'm like don't be calling people things like that, that's not ok. You know? And then you make it harder for me to minister to somebody when I say I'm a Christian. You see what I mean? People really appreciate the fact that I'm raw, I am who I am. I'm not boasting that I swear because I've gotten better; I just --it's something that I just want to change. Like I said, God hasn't said, "Noelle you gotta stop swearing." I just don't wanna do that any more. It's hard, when I get mad I swear. I'm a very passionate person.

People are like, "Noelle's really cool, she's not like one of those stuck up Christians."  Hell no. What does that prove? Who does that serve? God said we were to be servants, not slaves, but servants. How am I being a good servant or a good steward if I don't live humble and live like him, or close. I mean I can't get it perfect no man can, Jesus said it himself you're not gonna live the perfect life, you can't. You can't because you're here on this earth. This earth is filled with too much for us to deal with. There's temptation, there's sin at every corner, we have the enemy yackingin our ear tempting us, and most of the time we fail, so it's really hard.

When we get to heaven we're gonna wonder how did we make it through that crap? think it's very helpful for me, not to act holier-than-thou and just love everybody because I screw up all the time.  And people wanna hear that. How can I relate to everybody who doesn't have Christ if I act like I'm sooo good. I am not perfect at all. Just because I was cleansed after opening my heart to God doesn't mean that I'm gonna be a perfect human being. I am flawed, I will fail, I will fail over and over and over again. But each time I fail, the idea is to get back up on my horse, not high horse but you know that saying, "you get back up on the horse and you ride it again and you try." And you ride it a little bit better next time. That's all and you learn. You learn from your mistakes. If you keep doing the same thing over again and you don't learn from your mistakes, that's a problem, then you need to talk to somebody about that.

God needs to fix that little heart, or maybe it's a connection. You need to slow down. That helped me.  When I was like...ok....ok....I would react in the carnal man and not a spiritual way I had to first acknowledge, this is a problem and I know it. The next step is recognize - ok recognition first step. Second step: Let me see if I can acknowledge it when I'm doing it. Because sometimes things can become such a bad habit that you're not even aware that you're doing it. You know you're doing it but it's like you naturally do it, it's like automatic for you. And you have to not make that your default. So you have to change your tapes and you have to acknowledge, ok I just did that. So check yourself right there. THat's the second step. Third step: (and don't foget that second step it's very important). Thrid step: Catching yourself before you do it.

Like your head, your heart, biologically everything will start kicking into gear. You have these emotions and you're about to react a certain way and you say, "No that's my old self, I've changed, I've decided." But you have to slow down, catch yourself before you do it. But step number 2 has to happen too and a lot of people don't even recognize step 2. Let yourself ... and it's not good... "Ok I'm gonna return to that addiction now and there I am." If you're gonna have to that for a little while, be it that it's addiction and know, and know  that it's not good. Do step 2 for at least a little bit and if you know with addiction, people just throw it out and don't ever do it again quit cold turkey but some people need to go through the process. So say like me with swearing it's like ok I swore, "That's not what I want to do any more. Oh that's right." Start breaking the habit by that. Catching yourself after. So you have acknowlegement, catching yourself after, then catching yourself before you do it.
And then replacing it with something better. I'm trying to do that. I'm sounding like an idiot though.  Because I still get mad. I'm like, no f bombs today. But see people see the reality of what Christianity is all about and it's far from being perfect. Although when we open our hearts to god and say, "Hey god, yeah I'm down for this. Come into my heart, we are made perfect that instant. It doesn't mean that  we'll be perfect at doing everything, but in his eyes we have become white washed, made clean, made white, made like snow. That's why I like snow so much, the allegory, the metaphor, the beauty behind it all it's just such a purity.

So in his eyes we become his kids, just like you love your own kids. Right? They're precious. And it's not like they can do no wrong because god doesn't work that way. He's not like you're my kid now you can do no wrong, He's like you're my kid now and every time you do something wrong we're gonna shine you up and you're gonna have consequences, he doesn't spare us from consequences, good or bad. But he remakes us each time with each of the consequences and builds us back up builds us back up again. And we'll always have cracks.

Ah there's sun shining. but see these are cracks between my fingers. And you can see it'll shine through. We are always going to have cracks in us. We're imperfect. But when the sun shines through or the light  in us, should be the light of god, or the light of love or the light of goodness, at least let that shine through our cracks. And it's not us. We're this broken vessel. But look at this, it's so beautiful. That just happened to be there. I love the sun.

It's so beautiful. I'm a dancer, what eles am I gonna do? It's so funny. What happened to your accent, when I get mad or I get tired it really comes out. I don't know if I have to consciously think to speak like this. lol.  And I can but when I get tired...oh forget it. Yeah I still have my accent a little bit. It's all right... that's all I'm gonna say today. It's been a wonderful lovely day and it's gonna continue.
So my buttefly friend, whatever happened today, I'm so sorry, not that I did anything wrong, I'm not apologizing because I know I didn't do anything, but I'm sorry you had to have a rough class today. It just didn't seem like your day today. Hang in there Monday is gonna be a lot better I know you can do it. Thank you, I thought you did a good job. And I'm sorry you had a couple little bumps there and thank you for helpling me with my questions. You know, I just wanna get the details right. I'm starting to do that to train myself to do that because I know I can do this. You're using my terms and how I say things in class, it's funny. You noticed that? yeah...I'm like I don't mind it's just're a doll. Be yourself though, don't be me. Be yourself, you're cool. Be youreslf, you're good enough.
That Amy W. song though. This doesn't bother me any more. It's a repulsive lyric set but what am I gonna do? Now I know the words some of her other songs are a lot better.  But I wanted to show it didn't bother me any more because now I just sing celebrate jesus when that comes on. I'm not excepting any negativity or any bad junk any more. There's always a way to combat anything. So you  don't accept that about yourself either. Because you are good you are redeemable, you have a precious heart, always remember that. No matter what you do. Stop being negative. That'll help you a lot, trust me. Think of good positive things, surround yourself with good positive things, listen to good positive music.

Spread that to your students, spread that to your co-workers, that's what makes the change. It is always love always wins. It might take longer than we like but love always wins. That's the message for today: love always wins. I'm a testament, I'm a testimony to that. I have a testimony and I have a testament to that...I think I said it right. Love always wins guys it cannot lose. It was the way the world was made sooo... Don't give up hope. You might have been giving up the two seconds before you were going to succeed at whatever it is.

So...I ain't buyin' it, there is good in you. Sorry lol. I'm not apologizing like that but sorry I'm being so forthright but I know there's good in you like an immense amount and you're not gonna be able to convince me either way. Because it's god, it's all about god. It's not even about me it's not even about you.  It's god and I trust god and I love god and that's just the way it is. You're in his hands you're like clay. He's gonna take you and mold you into what you were supposed to be. And it's beautiful.  Just wait, it's in your hands it's in his hands too. But really you're like this precious beautiful little butterfly in his hands. And some day he's gonna let you fly.

But don't be afraid, fear's your worst enemy. Ok I love you.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

2 Sweet Letters 12-8-15
Original AirDate: December 8, 2015
Copyright Date: November 2, 2013
All rights reserved, you may not copy any portion of this spoken word or writings. Thank you for respecting artist expression and ownership.
Letter 1: I have just carefully and thoughtfully reading reading your email attachment of October 28, and I too would like to have some definitive closure of this protracted conflict. I do believe, though, that because of our radically different views of events, our concepts of resolution will also be contradictory.
All that we humans experience in life, our successes and failures, our relationship and accomplishments, are not facts that exists in a vacuum. Our life histories are seen and interpreted through the lenses of our culture, our past experiences, and our expectations. Because these lenses are different and unique for everyone, we see and feel the story of our life in a wholly individual way. Tow individuals can be standing side-by-side and go through the same event, and yet have radically different accounts of the experience. Is one account true and the other false, or vice versa? Both of the contrasting views of the event are true, within the context of that person’s filter of life, it is their story and has no more or less validity than the other individual’s rendition of the event. The effort to make one story conform to the other, to prove one is right and the other wrong, or create a single account that commingles the two is often futile and probably unnecessary. All relationships experience these disconnects from time to time, and often it is most wise to agree to disagree and take separate paths, as in the parable of Abram and Lot.

It is clear, from your words, that you have felt dissatisfaction and distress during your time at ( ) It was never my desire nor intention to cause or contribute to this, and I do not think that it was your motive to disrupt my experience either. We have had years of shared encounters that we obviously interpret in radically different ways, and it is very unlikely that our divergent stories of who did what, will ever be resolved.

I do not desire or intend to detail my view of this whole experience, or debate the merits of our varying viewpoints, because I do not believe that this will lead to any consensus or resolution. I will make no attempt to justify my behavior or criticize yours. I will try to charitably give everyone involved credit for doing their best, and then recommend that we go our separate ways. I intend to continue doing my job to the best of my ability, and to fulfill my duties as articulated by my employer. My personal feelings and private life are my own, including my view of this difficult impasse wherein we find ourselves.

I am sorry that you have struggled with aspects of your experience at ( ) I hope that you will find a way to move on, find peace in your life, and satisfaction in your artistic expression.
Letter 2:
Dear Beloved: Do you really want me to leave? Do you truly know the story of Abram and Lot?

It’s a beautiful telling of Gods’ and Abram’s love for Lot and his family. This is not a tragedy for the righteous. There is restoration and rebuilding; not a of a land but perhaps in the heart. Abram and Abarham is the same person. When God made a covenant (meaning promise) with Abrah, God “Changed” Abram’s name to Abraham.
In a sense, God breathed new life into Abram and gave him a new name as a symbol and sign of this covenant. Go dmade Abram the father of many nations and in the Hebrew language the “h” is very breathy when pronounced; just an interesting insight is all. Sarai also received a new name: Sarah. When God changes things, He makes
all things new from inside to outside. Here are some interesting things about what you mentioned that you may not be aware of:

1. Abram and Lot didn’t separate due to ill will, disagreement, fighting, disconnect or conflict. The land couldn’t support their vast herds and wealth. It was their herdsmen that were quarreling.
2. Abrahaman had rescued Lot from Kings. That’s not a disconnect, that’s connection–that’s love. They were still tethered together for there are some things that even distance can never separate.
3. Abraham interceded on Lot’s behalf to save his life before Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed.
4. Abraham asked The Lord to spare Sodom & Gomorrah if there were at least 10 righteous.
5. The Lord God couldn’t find at least 10 (our of tens of thousands) righteous people in the city.
6. Angels were sent to warn Lot and Lot got out of the city with his family.
7. The cities were destroyed due to the un-Godliness = sin and darkness of the people.
8. God used Abraham to save Lot’s life. Abraham loved Lot. God loved Lot.
9. If Abraham didn’t intercede on Lot’s behalf–Lot would’ve perished in the destruction of the cities. And you want me, the one who’s been interceding on your behalf, to go? Do you know what you’re saying?
10. If Abraham chose another filter; one of selfishness and not love; Lot would’ve perished. Abraham chose a better filter, a better way to do things. A filter that preserved life.
11. It’s analogous to what Jesus did on the cross for us with His nail pierced hands. He interceded to save US.
12. Outcomes form our filters do matter. If one continuously chooses filters that cause destruction, pain, suffering, harm, etc, then we’re not using the correct filters. We need to identify it and make changes.
13. Parables were used by Jesus to tell analogous stories so that those who were spiritually inclined to hear would hear and those that were spiritually inclined to “see” would “see”. If Jesus straight up told the people, “I am the Messiah.” They would’ve crucified Him too soon before He could get His message out with the parables.
However, Lot and Abraham isn’t a parable, this is factual history.

Agreed, two people having the same experience can view things differently; each with their own filters that can vary their interpretation of it and ultimately shape choices and outcomes. Alas, that’s why there’s chaos in the world” people choose the wrong filters in which to view things. If you wear dark tinted glasses, the world looks dark. There is right and wrong; truth and deception; whether you believe it or not. Gravity: we can’t see it but it exists. It is a fact and can’t be interpreted differently because it’s factual truth which is different from personal truth and this is where filters shape our personal truth.

It’s our choice which set of filters to choose. It will change our path and view radically. Filters can cause misinterpretation as well. Filters also chose and define the company we keep (within and without). That company also influences our filters and choices. Certainly there are many filters and combinations of them, but it’s not wise to choose one leading to destruction. One set of filter embraces the truth (HOPE, love, life, peace, joy, light, patience, accountability, selflessness, long suffering meaning persistence, forgiveness, harmony). It’s a strong standard of arbitration which has unshakable foundations. One set of filters allows deception (darkness, destruction, legalism, rigidity, confusion, anger, blame, self-hatred, self-protection, mask wearing, confusion). It’s a weak wall to hide behind until it crumbles and then it’s too late.

If you want me to leave, tell me these words looking into my eyes and perhaps you’ll “see” for the first time.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

I am a Unicorn

Original Broadcast Date: I am a Unicorn 6-22-16 6:41

Video Transcription:

so I got a couple interesting replies to some of my videos last night and thank you guys really thank you for sharing and thank you for helping me get through this I got weird things to do with life it's not the typical you know we lost the keys so the car honey doesn't matter and you know its always extreme and I don't like that I really like the even keel low key no drama I really I don't know I don't know why it's here I don't do anything to anybody it's just that I have to deal with people and for some reason i think to attract everybody know good people good hearted people people who are helpful to get some of the crazies too what's going to happen as my notoriety rises this is why this is why exactly why I didn't want to do those but you know at this point I don't have a choice i have to it's a means of protection its the means of having to do what I have to do I'll deal with it don't know how okay um but you know thank you anyway because I got a couple interesting replies and you know the big question was and i had actually oppose us to the B-fly not like I think the B-fly's gonna like answer me but you know just rhetorically hypothetically not hypothetically but rhetorically I don't know I think that's the right word and um the thing is i know i know some of what you guys are saying i am you know I've been around it my whole life and I think I think I think i agree with you guys for the most part and you know a couple of the things like okay I so got one who is a real cutie pie and tends to be a real smartass like me sometimes and and so "Noelle people just can't handle you" I'm like, okay great so now what does that mean? and then you know so we went back and forward in the messages and then there was a follow-up saying look bottom line is that you know you have a presence in a personality and is it it's big and I'm like but I don't necessarily do anything unless it's on stage or like you know I'm talking to you fine folks right now and said you don't have to you're just you it just is there and so I'm like okay I don't know how to take that because i don't know what to do with that. I might as well use it for good and that's why you know I go out and I speak and I try to encourage people and help them and it might as well mean something it might as well do something for somebody else because what it does for me well when i get the good stuff what it does for me is it encourages me back and it's nice to connect with people the not so good part is that it attracts people who don't know how handle it like the one God is saying to me and you know people get a little weird and crazy on me and so just appreciating me for who i am it's like oh well she's cool she's lovely with it whatever that adjective is for you and um it just.. it just.. it can make me feel like ill at ease because this person is acting weird towards me what do i do? you know? because I'm just me and I'm thinking when I'm approaching somebody or talking to somebody even online it's like hey you know i'm i'm coming to somebody on their level and then i'm really starstruck is the way I think of it you know and i'm like i don't know what to do with that I don't know what to do with that because that's the thing i am not like super famous I have some notoriety and I've gone to this place before and right before my star would launch and you know this is something that my boss Aaron Spelling's on me and you know he would joke around i think he was joking around he's dead I can't ask him now, but you know he would joke around saying that "I'm gonna make a TV show about you" we're just gonna like put the cameras on you the hello that was way before reality TV happened you know he was onto something with a genius, right? but I really thought he was joking and I'm like no, get out of here but you know there's just something i don't know but you see the reason i ask it because i don't want people to be crazy around me I want everybody to feel good, normal, and not act weird and then cause problems for me and my board and staff and my family and people around me my friends like my friends friends you know because it it it's just it's just weird you know how do you handle something like that and I like, "god help me if I ever didn't become like super super famous or something" then what? you know. I'm not in it for that I mean read my website you can see my mission statement. my thing is all about healing hearts and helping but you know I guess when you're in the public eye this happens and you know it's not what I don't want to sound ungrateful either you know I know I sound like I don't appreciate people extending their hands to me but you know some people just don't know what to do with me and my arm is killing me owie see I know what you're going through. right? i mean does that did I kind of say that right? yeah I I don't know well you see me what do you think? oh my god really really I can't believe I'm having this conversation ok whatever. the Sun os realy glaring. Sun came out. vitamin D Day for sure ok so you know people who can hang with me on my level where I'm at thank you you make my life so easy and very pleasant and you know it's just I just want to be me and I want you to be you and you know I want everybody to be everybody and I can't adjust the lighting and those and so blown out I'm not a high end production quality video never meant to be good lord. so anyway guys thank you for the input and the feedback i know i don't know how i'm going to solve it i don't know i'm going to do as long as people stop stealing from me as long as people treat me you know, normal i'm not looking for special treatment or anything like that but I don't think it's too much to ask to be treated with respect and not be stolen from I don't think it's too much to ask that you know people just cool. it normal behaviors but i'm laughing because that really is unbelievable I have to ask for that nowadays. well I guess so because you guys you see what's happening people being shot up at the night club and we went to nightclubs we've got to um... what was the name of that one on Sunset Boulevard? I can't remember now anyway I was gonna give them a plug they're great um you know I can't say I go clubbing anymore i think it's been years for me maybe ? in a while I've just gotten so busy I can't have fun anymore like that but you know what I'm saying it's like what what is going on we can't go out and enjoy ourselves without fear of this happening but see this is the terrorists they want to make you afraid and that is the first weapon of choice for terrorism and you know terrorism does not necessarily have to occur on you know that kind of a level there's different forms of it there's corporate terrorism you know, you name it. it's a form of bullying but a extreme form when you got weapons involved like that. that's horrible it makes me mad and it makes me sad it makes me grieve for those people i mean they weren't doing anything right there trying to have fun, love on each other, and enjoy community and then this happens and then people say well whatever they're saying I'm like "what?" no no and this shouldn't have happened this is bad this is wrong and evil, it's wicked wicked ok and when I say things rhetorically like how do we know what's wrong I mean obviously I know what's wrong and obviously i know you it's wrong but it's like okay let me rephrase let me start rephrasing it under a prefiss we obviously know that this act is wrong how is it that we know as human beings its wrong? how do we know murder is wrong when we know murder is wrong because we're taking something I mean it death is wrong killing somebody like that it's wrong a life is no longer here how do we actually know as human beings because most people know that is wrong and it's good i had one person who's like "how do you know killing people's wrong?" "well if you don't know I can't help you" and then I didn't mean it like that. i mean like how I just said it we know its wrong but how do we know its wrong and and who told our ancestors to write it in laws and who told them before the laws are written you know there has to be some kind of community punishment and you know we have something written on our hearts and say what is wrong innately don't we how is that put there? I'm fascinated by it personally. personally I think it's God that rights and in the Bible says that God wrote all these things on our hearts that's how we know that's how you know i would like to your other people give feedback. how what what is it or programming that says we understand this and then what is in some people's programming that can rationalize it a way to murder somebody or just doesn't get that it's wrong you know I i just find it fascinating I find it horrible too. don't get me wrong but you know maybe if we can figure out why that is the answers to these questions that might also be another part of the puzzle you know solving this because obviously we have to do something. obviously know there's all sides of the fence is saying get rid of weapons don't get rid of weapons. you know why I don't have the answer for those let's check it out ok so i went from talking about what the feedback that I got my inbox to this buffoonery tangent time. ok so i love you guys and have a really good day thank you for your interesting feedback. yeah keep it coming yeah my silly life so silly something is called me in a unicorn before amd i'm like it's cute i like it kind of puts into perspective what we're dealing with here. ok so i love you guys talk to you soon and thank you for behaving. bye-bye

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Be Happy

Being happy is something we all strive for. It is conducive to good mental and physical health and causes us to be productive and strong contributors to society. These elements are important for me as a dancer so I can keep my body strong.

Other benefits of happiness: Shared camaraderie. We as human beings gravitate towards people with infectious smiles and laughter, much work can be accomplished when joy is involved. Let’s state the obvious: It’s refreshing to be around those who make us feel good about ourselves and each other.

While this is a great emotion and state of being, not all of us can actually experience these things for ourselves. We may pine to just be able to have a smile crack the corners of our mouths and chase the blues away. This can cause frustration. In part maybe it’s because we would love to have happiness for ourselves but don’t know how to get it.

What if you are one of these people in which happiness eludes you? Here’s some very basic things you can try to see if it helps you.

Please understand, I am not a counselor, I am not a medical doctor. This article is written with the intention of giving a few basic helpful hints to feeling a bit “blue”. If you are experiencing severe depression, suicidal tendencies, thoughts of horror or anything extreme, please, please, get help from a licensed professional. I want the best for you, now please go get it.

1.                  Be around happy people. As stated above, their positive attitudes may become infectious and rub off on you. You may learn a few things from them and how they stay in a happy state of mind.
2.                  Don’t be so hard on yourself with “anything”. Do what you can do, do what you need to do, and don’t let anyone pressure you to do more than that.
3.                  Give yourself “Self Care Days” and cater to your needs.
4.                  Invest in yourself. Go back to school, start an “at home business”, journal, learn a new language or how to play an instrument.
5.                  Separate the wheat from the chaff. Not all undertakings are worthy of our time. If there’s anything in your life that is stressful, please don’t give it one more moment’s attention. Do away with it; this is the chaff that you should discard from your life.
6.                  Light exorcising. Take a walk in comfortable shoes and clothes during weather that is not too hot or cold.
7.                  Visit museums. Museums are a great way to divert any worrisome tendencies you may have that could possibly be keeping you from experiencing happiness. (Window shopping in a mall has this effect on me personally, it’s the noise level that rattles me.)
8.                  Fun hobbies. Coloring, puzzles, gabbing with friends on the phone, watch comedies on TV, any art or spectator sport.
9.                  Amusement parks. Get on a roller coaster and scream, laugh and feel free. No one will judge you because they’re all doing the same thing.
10.              Pray. Meditate. I’ll let you decide what this means to you. All I know is that sometimes I have to reach beyond and above myself to achieve that which I cannot do for myself. Although, the action of reaching out, is in fact, in our own hands, but first we must attempt and reach.

My biggest recommendation: Get Up And Dance! But of course you knew I would say that ;)  Put on your favorite tunes and dance like a maniac.

These are just a few things to try to kick start your happiness. If your sorrow continues, I repeat: get professional assistance. Depression at that severe a level can be serious and nothing to mess around with. I suffered with some depression, and understand. Please do not take this light hearted article to judge me or my understanding.

Be well beloveds, now go take care of yourself.

Joy is peace and happiness is the expression of it.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Happy Valentine’s Day

For the hearing impaired. We have included a transcript
Noelle Notes 2-14-16
Transcribed by Jay K.
Hey beautiful. I hope everyone is doing very well today. And I’m still sick. Nothing to
be worried about though. I know a couple of you got worried “You’re sick again, Noelle,
what’s wrong did you go to the hospital?” It’s not that kind of sick, it’s just a stupid
cold thing. I’m working on building up my immune system, so until I get it down it’s gonna
be bumpy. So, this was just a bump and yeah I don’t feel too good but nothing like last
time. This is pretty minor in comparison. I just need to get over it. It’s just a head
sinus thing, well you know how you feel when you get sick, kinda icky, but this too shall
pass. It’s not holding me back from dancing, teaching and whatever I have to do.
I do have to go to sleep pretty early but, it’s all ok. Let’s see, well Happy Valentines
Day, that is tomorrow, although by the time this video goes up it may actually be 1 in the
morning so if it is Happy Valentines Day to you. And go squeeze your beloved, and you know
what, if you don’t have the special partner in your life that’s ok, cause you know I’m sure
you have siblings, parents, somebody you love. Valentines Day doesn’t always have to be for
lovers. It can be for just people who love each other. Friends. You know. It’s just fun.
We have a special lover’s surprise for you guys. My husband and I did a beautiful photoshoot
today. And I promised I would share some really interesting little cheats that you can do
for gifts and it doesn’t cost anything really. If you have a camera and you have somebody
who’s half way decent at photography you can do an incredible photoshoot. If you know
anything about lighting you really can do a lot of graet and creative things. So, we went
at it today and we gave each other some really special Valentines Day gifts by doing that.
And when times are tough that’s what you do, right. You make a moment. Happy Valentines Day.
Please do know that everything and anything that you may see us do, we don’t spend a fortune on
I don’t want to give you guys the wrong idea, not that we’re cheap, but we do have to be
very, very frugal with our income. So we do our best to find ways like for Valentines Day,
we did something that cost us nothing at all, but we were able to produce really beautiful
photos and I can’t wait to show them, share them to you all. I think you’ll like them a lot.
So why not take this opportunity to get with your friends or your loved ones, or your lover or
whoever it is and celebrate Valentines Day in a special way. Make somebody a special video,
take pictures, make a day of it. A beautiful photoshoot right?
So thank you all very much for your support and your love. I hope I give an ounce of that back to you.
THis is one of our props. Amazing. I love fabric, right? You know that by now. This is one of the
things I utilized in our photoshoot. I think you’ll like how we used it. So many blessings to
you, stay safe, keep spreading the love. Happy Valentines Day. Sending my love to you.

Friday, August 4, 2017


Freedom 12-6-15
On this cold night and I can't sleep I decided to watch Les Miserables. It's a very
intense times Ive seen it about 6 times, actually make that 7. I forgot I watched
it on the way home two years ago when I toured with my company back east in NY. Everyone
in the plane around me was checking me out, I could not stop crying to save my life.
It's one of those heart wrenching stories it is so beautiful. Redemption, forgienes,
justice, mercy, kindness, love. It's really a great film, watch it, or read it.
Isn't it Victor Hugo who wrote that? I could be wrong. Read it.
And a lot of people really don't understand what this film is about. It is about
God moving through us to show love and mercy and there are many other themes but
that is one of the biggest ones. It's about an uprising and a revolution, common
folk became warriors to fight for what they love. They didn't want to be controlled
any more. When watching this film, I'm realizing something, our heart beat strong and
loud, our hearts desire to know truth we really do. I just want to reach out to you
and encourage you.
God can use many things to open doors to open our hearts. He can use films, songs,
dances, other people, a kind heart, a smile. Be wise. Be like Jean Val Jean and
don't push away that person. Because I don't know if you know the gravity of all this.
You know where I'm coming from . The thing is, we could be the ones tying a noose
around our necks and not even realize it. I almost did it, I almost pushed away my
husband. But I didn't. On February 10 quite a few years ago, I found my true love.
I found it in my husband, I found it in my Lord and Savior. He was there for me
every step of the way. Every February 10 is more than just an anniversary for my
wedding day. It is truly when I became the bride for the Lord. And I gave my heart
to and I surrundered my callousness, my bitterness, my hate, my envy, my jealousy,
my pain, my fears, my insecurities, I laid it all at the foot of the cross. And
before I said I do to Kristopher I said I do to the Lord. And it's such a sweet soft
knocking on my heart. Just like a soft knock on the door and I said hi.
It's really kinda dopey sounding. I didn't have a very climactic transformation at all.
Leading up to it was anothe story, car accident that almost killed my mom. It was
pretty traumatic all the events leading up to it. But my salvation day was so beautiful,
and soft and gentle. Just beauty and peace. So I had two fathers who led me down the
aisle. Ive had many dads. The two that were there: One was my biological father. THe other
one was my step dad. He was a Jewish man, he was something else. ANd they both led me
down the ailse and they both held my hands. And then they gave my hands to the preacher.
And then they gave my hands to my husband. But more importantly, my husband gave my
hand and he said, "You have my hand, take my hand, now take the Lord's." And I took the
Lord's hand. It was a beautiful day. I want you to know it takes a lot of courage to
take that step. That step into freedom, but once you do, you will breathe like you have
never breathed before. All that crustiness around your heart will fall away.
Oh sure you'll remember the things of old. It just won't hurt as much. And sure you'll still
have those scars, but you know what you can be healed, you can be whole. YOu can then show
off your scars. Take those skeletons out of your closet and make them dance, that's what
I do. YOu'll no longer feel shame, you'll no longer feel the need to impose that upon
other people. You can be friends with God and reconsiled. So I encourage you, go ahead
watch or read Les Miserables. And just open your heart.
"And to love another person is to see the face of God." Quoted from the film: Les Miserables.

Quake Vision

Original AirDate: 11-18-15

In my vison, when I first saw this I thought it was ood because we saw who did it and 
ok fine somebody hit the pole then I'm thinking ok this is gonna fall. But what struck
me oddest right then and there I was triggered with a vison. Because after the big quake
this is how everything looked and it's like all of this is flattened. That pole every time we walk
here reminds that its an inevitability. 

I'Ve been warning a lot of people. And I guess that anybody would know that we are gonna 
have major quake in this area it's just the way it is. No one needs to be clairvoyant or
psychic Imnot any of those things but I just don't think the severity of what ive seen in 
my visions in penetrating in anybody's heads because we did get through the Northridge quake.
I wasn't here I was in Vegas with my family. But just because one was lived through and
survived thankfully and gratefully, we can't let that build up a haughtiness or
pridefullness in our spirit you have to be prepared.

I just have this feeling because of what Ive seen in my vision that this is just not going
to be a severe quake, I keep seeing...  I hear people saying, "It wasn't supposed to be like
this." and I think it was over a 7.3 magnitude but it's the way it was shaking too and how
close to the surface it is going to be. There's just a lot of factors innvolved. Watch out for
the firehydrant. So that's what concerns me: Is that just because one quake was survived
...but remember all the damage. Again I wasn't here but we felt it in Vegas. It was pretty
severe there even, the damage that was done. I just want everyone to be safe. I don't want
anyone to get hurt and I wanna make sure that people know.

I hope that post serves as a reminder. That wasn't created by a quake someone ran into that
thing which is scary enough. You can see how out of place it is. If you turn the lense that
way I mean look at that it's really creepy looking to have something that you  normally see 
standing almost perfectly errect--not. It's very disconcerting. But everything was like that.
Everything was gone, reduced to rubble. And I'm on my knees. This is why I keep saying it
alarms me to know where I am in my vision after it happens and I'm on my knees and I'm saying,
"They didn't listen I tried to warn them and no one listened to me." 

I don't know why I have these visions. I hate them. THere's some things I'd rather not see.
And really the strange...I don't know if it's irony or not, I'm losing my vision yet I can 
see this stuff clearly. What is that. It's like my life and the journeys I've been on would
make one hell of a film. I don't know what this means, I just want people to be safe and
careful. But yeah it's a very strange, surreal thing.

Be safe everybody, please. Be thoughtful. Think about your surroundings, know where the
exits are. My dad ingrained that in my head. Have a plan. Be wise. Be prepared. I think
most catastrophies that do happen not that they could be avoided but I think they could
be less severe if people were prepared.

I want to be 100% wrong with this vision I don't want to be on my knees in the rubble
practically screaming, "They wouldn't listen." Even my worst enemies I wouldn't want to
have this happen to them. I mean my heart hurts any time anyone is hurt in any way. It
just puts everything into perspective. I'm told by so many of my mentors, they say, "You have
gifts that you should be grateful for you should be thankful for." I always tell them the
same thing: If you saw them the way I did I don't think you would be grateful for them I think
you would run for the hills and beg whoever: God - demons, I don't know you'd beg whoever to take 
them away from you. I appreciate the heads up but they're just so dramatic and graphic and I cant
escape them because they're right there right in front of me.

It's not like I'm thinking them up I'll just be walking like when I saw that lamp post bent
like that. I was just walking and I saw the whole thing - the earthquake. YOu know it just
hits me like that. I was thinking that much except trying to see where I'm walking. Anyhow take
everything for what you will. But if I'm even slightly right guys please be prepared. Know this comes
from a place of love and not condemnation in any way shape or form. I don't know how anyone
could read condemnation in that. Im just trying to give you a heads up.

All right that's all-love you!

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Autumn Joy

Do you feel the briskness in the air? Isn't it beautiful? Oh my gosh this is like...
look at how magnificent that is. I don't know if the video can pick it up. Can you see
that? It's so glorious. This reminds when I was back east with my mom and she would take
us to the pumpkin farm. It was in the Catskills upstate New York and it'd be cold like it
is today. This is crazy this is California, Los Angeles, winter type day. 

Let's go over here. I want to find more leaves let's go back over here. This makes me feel
like I did when I was a little girl. She'd sayd, "Noelle slow down." I would run, I just loved to run.
I didn't know where I was going I just wanted to feel like I was free like I was flying.

These have just fallen from the tree you can tell by their color, they're pretty damp. They
haven't been given enough time to fall from the tree. They should be this beautiful red,
burgundy color. I think it's getting too cold too quickly the weather keeps bouncing back and
forward and it's confusing the trees. Oh here's one. This is pretty close. This is beautiful.
And it feels so good. 

What I find amazing is that we're seeing the signs of a life cycle. This is the autumn of the
life cycle. It gives back to the earth so then it can nurture it and prepare the soil so then
when spring comes it keeps the ground warm, and it keeps the seeds warm so that when spring 
comes the fruit from the seeds will grow.

One of my favorite times of the year is autumn because this is when we can harvest the fruits
of our labor.