Monday, November 27, 2017

The Battle of Guilt

The Battle of Guilt
Written by Noelle Rose Andressen:
Noelle Rose Andressen, Business Owner
Rubans Rouges Dance®  - Owner, Dancer, Artistic Director (9 years)

The Battle of Guilt
The first round battling breast cancer, we had to sell our Vegas home to pay for the treatment as we had no family insurance. At that time, I had danced some professionally as an independent contractor, my body was my "business". Also my husband and I worked as independent film makers. When we were not on a project there was no medical insurance. It was very hard for me to let go of our security and emotional connections to our home. I battled depression from the immense guilt I felt. My family insisted my life was more important and agreed to do whatever it took to save my life. I received a combination traditional and experimental therapy with naturalistic treatment to help ease symptoms and keep my body as healthy as possible. This first round I had no choice but to quit dancing, my business with my body was put on hold and my husband took up the slack for our film production company. For the most part I found myself in bed and almost died. 

Back to the Beginning
After my victorious win against breast cancer, with no home, broken body, and broken spirit, I decided to go back to the "business of my body" and my first love: DANCE. However, a pre-cancerous result would make itself known again. This time my doctor said "don't end up in bed". I agreed and this time I danced through the treatment. 

I decided to stay focused with a project and choreographed a short dance for an informal performance with a 12 week deadline. This allowed me to focus my energy on something positive and keep my spirits lifted. I had to compartmentalize the workload that went with creating a dance. I had Costume Days when I was able to sit upright and do light sewing, if I grew nauseated my son would massage my feet and back to help keep vomiting at bay. Choreography Days was for when my body was able to do some movement, I took advantage of these days and did as much as I could without exhausting myself and added some yoga to the choreography. Music Days also served double time as meditation time and searching through pieces of music that would work for the dance piece. Administration Days worked best when I had light symptoms. This enabled me to make necessary phone calls, write emails, and performance arrangements.

When I had really bad days I had to learn to forgive myself. My son would take my hand and help me do breathing exercises. He also remind me that I'd be dancing again soon and helped me jot down choreography notes as I envisioned them in my head. It was frustrating to not be able to get up and dance but I knew I had to take care of myself. Ultimately his love for me and my love for him kept me going, like a light in darkness. I finished my project and was triumphant over cancer again. From here I created community outreach programs for cancer patients, created my book series: DanceWarrior®

Let This Be My Last Battleground
Later I took what I had gone through and turned it into a dance to help encourage other women going through cancer. The dance is called: "Let This Be My Last Battleground - ROSEWOOD". This title pays homage and tribute to Gene Roddenberry and a Star Trek episode with a similar title. Kristopher, my husband and Emmy nominated composer scored music for my dance piece.  This dance was also turned into a book: "DanceWarrior®

About My Business
Rubans Rouges Dance®  is a multi-media company that performs fully produced "Dance Dramas" and combines the art of film making, original music scores, art and song to encourage others that they can go from tragedy to triumph. I believe my calling on this earth is to help others heal through the arts. My life is a living artistic example of how many can overcome the horrors life can present us and give them meaning and purpose. From that we also branched out to help support the community with the annual: "Awakenings & Beginnings International Dance Festival®" and many outreach programs such as: Dancers Defeating Cancer®
 Est. in 2009 where cancer patients can use gentle movement and some yoga as a wellness course and a special time to journal their experience. During this wellness program that I created, I help encourage patients as I know what it's like to go through treatment and understand the restorative process. I teach them the tricks and techniques I used during both my cancer battles. I teach them how to breathe through symptoms and use meditation to keep them focused on things other than how badly they feel. I not only kept my business going, I actually made it grow in adversity.

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